it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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