Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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