Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
