Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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