I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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