there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
