She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
