Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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