Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
