My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
