Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
