paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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