addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
