For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize