Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
