She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
