For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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