Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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