Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
