I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
