i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
