I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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