I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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