i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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