I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Randomize
