At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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