You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
