I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize