just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
