i love accidental penises.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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