u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
