at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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