At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
