Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
