i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
