So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
