Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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