whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she looked like the before picture.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
