Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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