am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
