That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
