We're facebook friends in real life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
