you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize