You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
