I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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