so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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