I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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