Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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