So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
