just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize