I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
