I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
