Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize