she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
