I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
