garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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