STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
