dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
