there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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