is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
