this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
