My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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