A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize