Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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