I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
