1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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